FUNNY WHATSAPP HINDI SMS

HERE ARE NEW FUNNY HINDI SMS...

Hubby came home drunk. To avoid wife's scolding,
he took a laptop and started working.
Wife: Peeke aye ho kya?
Hubby : Nahi meri ma...
Wife: Bewde, phir suitcase khol ke kya type kar rahe ho??

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मंडप में दुल्हन को सिर झुकाए बैठा देख एक
बुज़ुर्ग महिला बोलीं,
"बहू कितनी सुशील और संस्कारी है, जब
से बैठी है, सिर नीचे किए हु़ये है । एक
बार भी नज़रें उठा कर नहीं देखा ।"
पीछे से आवाज़ आई,
"माँजी....दुल्हन whatsapp पर online है......
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>>>‎More WhatsApp हिन्दी जोक्स..........

Ek Aadmi Jyotish se,
”Meri shadi kyon nahi ho rahi hai?”
Jyotish: ” kaise hogi pagley?
Kundli me sukh hi sukh likha hai!!!


What's Marriage?
Answer- MARRIAGE Is The 7th Sense Of Humans
That Destroys All The Six Senses
And Makes The Person NON Sense..
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Definition Of Happy Couple -
HE Does What SHE Wants…
SHE Does What SHE Wants.
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नवरा रोज घरी साखरेचा डबा पाहतो आणि झोपतो.
बायको : तुम्ही रोज साखरेचा डबा का पाहता?
नवरा : अगं, मला रोज डॉक्टरने शुगर चेक करायला सांगितली आहे!

बसमध्ये कनडक्टर:- बाई
मुलांचं वय किती?????
बाई:-धाकटा २ वर्ष,
मधला २.५ वर्ष,
थोरला ३ वर्ष........
बस कनडक्टर:- बाई वय भले
हि कमी सांगा पण,,,
गँप तरी ९ महिन्यांचा ठेवा ......
बाई : मधला जावेचा आहे .. मुडद्या....

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>>>More मराठी WhatsApp जोक्स..............



Wife: Dear, this computer is not working as per my command.
Husband: Exactly darling! its a computer, not a Husband..!!


'Laughing At Your Own Mistakes, Can Lengthen Your Life."
-Shakespear
"Laughing At ur Wife's Mistakes,Can Shorten ur Life."
-Shakespear's Wife


Arz kiya hai..
Jaldbaazi mein shadi karke sara jivan bigad loge,
wah wah wah
Jaldbazi mein shadi karke sara jivan bigad loge..
Soch samaj ke karoge toh bhi kya ukhad loge..!!


Wife : Agar meri shaadi kisi " Raakshas" se bhi ho jaati to mai itni Pareshaan nahi hoti jitni tumare saath hu
Awesome reply :
Husband : Are pagli,,
Blood Relation me shaadiya kaha hoti hai.. !!!
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C O N D O M S'==========Imagine If All The Top Brand's Start Selling Condoms, They Won't Even Have To Change Their Tag Line..
=========='Pepsodent' Condom:Raat Bhar Dishum Dishum.
=========='Colgate' Condom:Ye Hai Hamara Suraksha Chakra..
=========='Nokia' Condom:Connecting People..
=========='MRF' Condom:Extra Rubber Extra Mileage.
.=========='Moov' Condom:Ah Se Aha Tak..
=========='Mirinda' Condom:Zor Ka Jhatka Dhire Se Lage..
=========='Godrej' Hair Dye Condom:Kato Kholo Aur Lagao..
=========='Sprite' Condom:Bujaye Only Pyaas Baki All Bakwas..
=========='Tata Sky' Condom:Isko Laga Dala Toh Life Jhingalala.
==========The Best One..
=========='M-Seal' Condom:Ek Tapakti Boond Aap Ki Kismat Badal Sakti Hai...!!!Market me naya naya aaya he frwd karo nahi to purana ho jayega jaldi copy past karo........




FUNNY GHAZAL :

Ek Ajeeb Si Halat Hai Tere Jane Ke Baad ,
Bhuk Hi Nahi Lagti Khana Khane Ke Baad
Mere Paas 8 Samose The, Jo Mene Kha Liye

1 Tere Aane Se Pehle 7 Tere Jane Ke Baad
Neend Hi Nahi Aati Mujhe Sone Ke Baad
Nazar Kuch Nahi Aata Aankhen Band hone Ke Baad
Doctor Se Jo Pucha Iska Elaaj, Dekar 4 Tablets, Bola.
Kha Lena 2 Jagne Se Pehle, 2 sone ke baad...

Gaur farmaaiye
Arz Kiya-
Mehfil me hamare joote kho gaye to ham ghar kaise jayenge?
Mehfil me hamare joote kho gaye to ham ghar kaise jayenge?


Kisi ne kaha-"Aap shayari to shuru kijiye
itne milenge ki aap gin nahi payenge".
Har taraf padhai ka saya hai,
Har paper me zero aaya hai,
Hum to yuhi chale jate hai bina muh dhoye exam dene,
Aur log kehte hai, kamina raat bhar padh ke aaya hai



A New Metal is added to Chemistry:
Name: Wife
Symbol: Bv
Atomic Weight: Light when first found... tends to get heavier over the years with time.
Physical Properties :
- Boils at any time
- Can freeze at any time
- Melts if treated with love & care
- Very Bitter if Mishandled
Chemical Properties :
- Very Reactive
- Highly Unstable
- Possess Strong Affinity for Gold, Silver, Diamond, Platinum, Credit cards & Cheque books
- Money Reducing Agent
Occurrence :
- Mostly found in front of d mirror.



Killer shayaris.......
Using ur brain is strictly & very strictly prohibited..
1) Na jaan Na pehchaan,
Tu mera mehmaan,
And the award goes to A.R.Rehman

2) Kisiko na thi mere pyar ki khabar,
Kisiko na thi mere pyar ki khabar
Diagram galat ho gaya, Rubber de Rubber

3) Teri adao pe mein waari waari,
Dial 139 for railway enquiry...

4) Na jine ki aarzu na marne ka khauf,
The number you are trying is currently switched off

5) Apne gamo ko bas dil me daba lo,
Naya godrej powder hair dye,
Bas kaato gholo aur laga lo..

6) Yuh khamosh reh kar tadpogi kabtak,
Cameraman praful ke saath deepak chaurasia AAJ TAK

7) Mehngai ke is daur mein karna padta hai apne kharche par kabooo,
Mehngai ke is daur mein karna padta hai apne kharche par kabooo,
Ek chutki sindoor ki kimat tum kya jano Ramesh Babu...

8) Mein hoon yahan Tu hai wahan,
Mein hoon yahan Tu hai wahan,
LIFEBUOY hai jahan Tandurusti hai wahan...

9) Blood donate karne se pehle hamesha uska group janchna,
Blood donate karne se pehle hamesha uska group janchna,
BASANTI in kutton ke samne mat nachna

10) Yashomati Maiyya Se Bole Nandlala,
Yashomati Maiyya Se Bole Nandlala,
Tata Sky Laga Daala To Life Jhingalala

11) Romeo ne Juliet se kaha ek sach,
Romeo ne Juliet se kaha ek sach,
Asali Masale Sach Sach
MDH.....MDH ...!!

12) Aatma Chhod Gayi Shareer Puraana,
Aatma Chhod Gayi Shareer Puraana,
Didi Tera Devar Deewana..

13) Naach Bulbul Naach, tujhe paisa milega
Hum CID se hai, Koi apne jagah se nahi hilega...!


GOOD JOKES..

Who was the 1st INDIAN to use 4G.
Ans: It's Anil kapoor.! aG ,oG, lo G, suno G.


Mayawati came 2 lalu's housewith an elephant,
Lalu- bhaiswa ke sath aaye ho?
Mayawati- dikhta nahi elephantwa hai.
Lalu- dhutt pagli hum elephantwa se puch raha hu.


Shadi me Sardar ne plate pe tissue paper dekh k socha ye bhi khane wali chez hai. Jaise hi wo khane laga, to Sab Sardar Chillaye "Oye Mat Kha, Feeka hai"


TEACHER: Wo Kaun Sa Department He Jisme Aurat Kaam Nahi Kar Sakti?
STUDENT: Fire Brigade.
TEACHER: Wo Q?
STUDENT: Aurato Ka Kaam AAG Lagana Hai, Bujhana Nahi


Girl:Nice mobile, Where did u buy?
Boy:I won dis in a running race
Girl:How many persons participated?
Boy:MOBILE OWNER, POLICE &ME.


Teacher: can you defined who is leacturer?
Student: Lecturer is a person Who has a very bad habbit of Speaking when someone sleeping.


Customer: Waiter Aisi Chai Pilao Jisko Pee Kar Tan Man Jhum Uthe Aur Badan Nachne Lage.
Waiter: Sir Humare Yaha Bhens Ka Dudh Aata Hai, Nagin Ka Nahi...


Boy to Girl:Tumhari Umar kya hai?
Girl:20 years
Boy: tum ne to 5 saal pehle bhi yahi batayi thi?
Girl: dekha ladkiyan zubaan ki Kitni pakki hoti h. Enjoyyyyyy........



Dr. Ki Shayri
"Jis Hospital K Hum Doctor Hai,
Meri gfriend Waha Ki Nurse Hai,
Kya Ajib Zulm Sehna Padta Hai....
Apni Hi gfriend Ko Sister Kehna Padta Hai..!!!!


Doctor ki shaadi Kuch iss tarah se Honi chahiye..
Ke lage ki doctor ki
Shaadi hain...!!
Baarat ambulance Mein jaaye...!!
Shaadi hospital Mein ho...!!
Photo ki jagah X- Ray liya jaaye.
Aur khaane mein Vitamin - C ki goli Di jaaye.
Mehmaano ko Chai yaa cold drink Ki jagah GLUCOSE & ORS diya jaaye
Dulhe ke galle mein Haar ki jagah Stethiscope Lagaaya jaaye.
Aur
Maza toh tab aayeJab Doctor Shadi ke baad bole
"NEXT PLZ


Socho agar Doctor film banate to
Filmo ke naam kya hote-
kabhi khaasi kabhi jukham.,
kaho na bukhaar hai,
TB NO 1,
Hum blood de chuke sanam,
Rehna hai Ab Hospital me,
Bachna Ae marijo,
Dil to kamjor hai,
Ek hasina do kidni,
Ajab marizo ki gajab bimari..

New in the market...
Munna bhai& circuit's funda of life

1. Munna bhai: Circuit MURGA & MURGI me diffrence kaise samajhne ka?
Circuit. Simple hai bhai,Ek patthar marne ka BHAGA to MURGA or BHAGI to MURGI...

2..Munnabhai-Ye Ramnavmi kyo manai jaati hai?
Circuit-Arey simple hai bhai..is din bhagwan RAM aathvi pass karke Navmi me gaye the.

3. Munna : Yaar Circuit ,ye gandhiji Har note me haste kuy rehte hai?
Circuit:Simple hai bhai! Royenge to note gila ho jaye ga......

4. Munna Bhai: Circuit apun ko 1Nurse se Pyar ho gayela hai,luv Letter me kya Likhu
Circuit:  Simple Bhai,Likhne ka
DEAR SISTER
I LOV U
Tumara MUNNA BHAI

way to recognise a doctor in hospital.....

1. girl with apron pockets full of garbage.. restless, irritable , waddling gate.... shouting on phone...

 A GYNAECOLOGIST

2. steth in neck, hump at back, or sometimes belly try to come out of shirt, silent, tired walk with masked facial appearance..... no response to stimuli to smile... 

A MEDICINE DOCTOR

3. snoozing on chair... but loud voice... few abuses... dominating personality.. like DON of the hospital, everybody talk to him politely including Dean or Medical superintendent..

 A SURGEON

4. brisk gait, white paste on pant nd boots.... loud voice... lots of attitude... talking of self... arrogant, under influence
an ORTHOPEDICIAN


5. neeras attitude... tired body... always frustrated, response to stimuli... red stetho...
A PEDIATRICIAN

6. Mostly female. ...gossiping... always eating something. ..shouting on someone
ANAESTHETIST

7. Calm, neatly dressed, rarely seen by pts, blurring of vision
RADIOLOGIST

8. In dirty White coat, confused, always in hurry, everybody shouting on him/ her including sister/ Mama
:INTERN


9. a cool, calm, polite, smart, soft spoken with always a smile on face..sweet by nature..... 

AISE DOCTOR SIRF PEPSODENT KE AD ME DIKHTE HAIN:)


ROCKING GENERATION...
"KID FAILS IN EXAM"
Father: Aaj Se Mujhe Papa Mat Kehna...!
Son: Oh, come On Dad,
It Was Just A 'School Test'
Not A "DNA" Test...!


Tchr : Murgiyo ki taange chhoti kyu hoti hai ?
Sardar ka Asardaar reply : Sir, agar murgiyo ki taange Lambi hoti to Ande itne upar se gir kar toot jate na.


Teacher- Chand par pehla kadam kisne rakha?
Pappu-NEIL ARMSTRONG.
Teacher- Aur doosra ?
Pappu- doosra bhi usi ne rakha hoga ..... Langdi khelne thodi gaya tha woh!!!!


-Laughter time-

Doctor : Roz 5km walk karo, to 1 sal me 50kg wajan kum ho jayega..
1 saal baad santa phone pe:
Wajan to kam ho gaya,
magar saale ghar kaise jau 1825km door aa gaya hu


Santa aur Banta 8th mein aathvi Baar Fail Ho gaye
Santa: Chal Suicide kar le
Banta: Saale, Pagal Ho Gaya Hai ??
Agle janam Fir NURSERY se shuru karna padega

Santa: shirt ke liye ek acha kapda dikhaiye.
Sales man: plain main dikhau.
Santa: Nahin helicopter main dikha
saale bandar ki aulad… Yahin pey dikha!!
Doctor: Do exercise daily for
good health.
Santa: Sir i play football, cricket, daily.
Doctor: how long do you play?
Santa: until d battery in my mobile goes down!!

Techer- pani me rahne vale 5 jiv batao.?
Student- mendak.
Tech- very good, baki char bolo. .
Student- uski maa ,
uska baap ,
uski behan aur
uska bhai ..


Santa's Son was filling an application form.
Son: papa, mother tongue kya likhu?
Santa: Likh de, very long and uncontrollable..


A Doctor opened a clinic & wrote
outside the clinic:
Any treatment in Rs.300/- & if we cant treat, we will pay you back Rs.1000/-.
A CLEVER Man comes to do fraud & thinking to get Rs.1000.
He says to the Doctor:
I cant feel any taste on my tongue...
Doctor asks the Nurse to put few
drops of medicine from box no 22.
After that the MAN shouts: "What d _____ ...its URINE!!
The doctor says congratulations your sense of taste is back now.
The MAN was angry as he lost Rs.300.
After 2 weeks MAN comes back again & this time he thinks to get back his previous 300 too.
MAN: Doc! I've lost my memory.
Doctor: Nurse! pls put some drops of medicine from Box no 22 on his tongue.
MAN : Wait doctor but that medicine is for sense of taste.
Doctor: Congratulations your memory is back.
Moral: Don't try to be over-smart with Doctors...

Wife is angry as hubby stands too close to a beautiful girl in bus, a few seconds later the girl slaps him for pinching.
Hubby to wife:
I swear I didn't .
Wife: I know, I did it


Election spcl...
Ek Ladka aur ek Ladki, ek hi bister par so rahe the ..
Ladke ka rommance karne ka man hua.... Usne ladki se poocha :
"Kya hum apne ummidwar ko aapke ilake me khada kar sakte hain ..???"
Ladki ne gusse se mana kar diya...
Ladka chup ho gaya, aur chupchap so gya...
Thodi der ke Bad ladki boli :
Aap apna ummidwar humare ilake me khada kar sakte ho...!!"
Ladka : "Ab koi jarurat nahi hai.......
Mere ummidwar ne congress ke sath gathbandhan kar liya hai.....!!"
हर हाथ शक्ति हर हाथ तरक्की



One liners

****************************

Sign on a railway station at Patna:
Aana free, jaana free,
pakde gaye to khana free.

****************************

Seen on a famous beauty parlour in Bombay:
Don't whistle at the girl going out from here. She may be your grandmother!

*****************************

Seen on a bulletin board:
Success is relative
The more success, The more relatives.

**************************

Sign at a barber's saloon in Juhu, Bombay:
We need your heads to run our business.

*************************

A traffic slogan:
Don't let your kids drive if they are not old enough - or else they never will be

*******************************

Sign in a restaurant:
All drinking water in this establishment has been personally passed by the manager

***************************

The difference between in-laws and outlaws?
Outlaws are wanted.

****************************

Alcohol is a perfect solvent:
It dissolves marriages, families and careers.

********************************

A fine is a tax for doing wrong.
A tax is a fine for doing well.

********************************

Archaeologist: someone whose career lies in ruins.

********************************

An archaeologist is the best husband any woman can have:
The older she gets, the more interested he becomes in her.

*************************************

There are two kinds of people who don't say much:
Those who are quiet and those who talk a lot.

*****************************************

There was a man who said, "I never knew what happiness was until I got married...
And then it was too late

***************************************

Before marriage, a man yearns for the woman he loves.
After marriage, the 'y' becomes silent.

***************************************


Why do we sometimes write 'etc' at the end in the exam?
bcoz it means...
E- End of
T- Thinking
C- Capacity.


What is the Diff b/w Young Age & Old Age?
Simple : In Young Age Phone Is Full Of girls Numbers.
In Old Age : Its Full of Doctors Numbers.


"Why is Facebook such a hit ?
It works on the principle that
'People are more interested in others life than their own.


V Pronounce 22 as Twenty Two,
33 as Thirty Three,
44 as Forty Four,
55 as Fifty Five,
Why not 11 as Onety One?
Doubt By last bench association.


What is the diff between "GHAZAL"&"LECTURE" ?
Every word spoken by the girlfriend is "GHAZAL"
and
Every word spoken by wife is "LECTURE"


Whats d diff btwn Pongal n idly?
think...think..think...
Ans : U ll get a holiday for pongal but not for idly.


What will be the girl's name born on 1st of APRIL ?
Guess Guess Guess Guess
Ans : "FOOLAN DEVI..


What is the height of confusion?
Two earth worms Playing HIDE AND SEEK in a Plate full of noodles.


Teacher: What Is The Difference Between HIMAMI & TSUNAMI ?
Pappu : HIMAMI is Face Wash, TSUNAMI is Total Wash.!



When you are in love,
Wonders happen.
But once you get married,
You wonder, what happened.

Philosophy of marriage :
At the beginning,
every wife treats her husband as GOD..
Later,
somehow don't know why..
alphabets get reversed..


LuV STORY OF DOCTOR:
I was in 12th
She was in 12th
I love her - she love me
I got MBBS
She got BCOM
I was doing MBBS
She got MBA
I was preparing 4 MD entrance
She got married
I m doing MD
She's d mother of 2 children
I got PH.D
Her daughter is in 1st stndrd,
I became DOCTRATE
Hr daughtr passd 10th,
I hav joined job.
Hr Daughtr joined College.
The Greatest irony-
Today is my ENGAGEMENT
& Her daughter also got married today.Agle Janam Sala Commerce hi Lunga....!
FORWRD 2 all C0MMERC" studnts N Make them realise " C0MMERCE IS BETER THAN SCIENCE."



Ten Gurumantras for a cool life:
1. Money is not everything. There's also Mastercard & Visa.
2. One should love animals. They are tasty too.
3. Save water. Drink on the rocks.
4. Fruits/Salads are healthy. So leave it for sick
5. Books are holy. So don't touch them.
6. Don't shout in the office. It disturbs those who are sleeping.
7. Love thy neighbor. But don't get caught.
8. Hard work never killed anyone, but why take the chance.
9. Why do something today when it can be done tomorrow. By someone else.
10. Every one should marry because happiness is not the only thing in life




Sardar Jokes

Sardar called customer care:- Ji meri Bhais mera sim khaa gayi h & bhag gayi.
Customer care:- To hum kya kare..?
Sardar:- Ji ye puchna tha ke roming to nahi legegi..?


Sardar road pe potty kar raha tha.
Police ne use pakad liya.
Jab use le jaane lage to sardar bola kanoon ke rakhwalon, saboot to utha lo...


Sardar:- Yaar toothbrush dena mere brush ka 1 baal toot gaya h.
Dukardar:- 1 baal toota to naya Q le rahe ho.
Sardar:- Jo tuta h wo akhiri tha...


Sardar:- Bhai 2 ticket dena.
Conductor:- 2 kyu.
Sardar:- 1 kho jaye to dusra kaam ayega.

Conductor:- Agar dono kho gaye to.
Sardar:- Abe fir paas kab kaam ayega.


Sardarji jab exam dene gaye to wo apne saath plumber ko kyun le gaye..?
Kyunki sardarji ko khabar mili thi ki paper leek ho gaya h...


Sardar flight me pilot ka
headphone cheen raha tha.
Pilot:-Ye kya kar rahe ho..?
Sardar:- Accha ji Ticket hum le aur Gaane tum suno...


Sardarni:- Please bike tez na chalao mujhe dar lag raha hai.
Sardar:- Agar tujhe bhi dar lag raha h to meri tarah ankhein band kar le...


Sardar ko chand par bhejne ka faisla hua.
Aadhe raste jakar sardar rocket se kood gaya or chillaya
"kamino aaj to amawasya h, chand to hoga hi nahi...


Sardar ne apni wife ko 1 whisky ka peg diya to wife:- Chhiiii !! kitna kadva h.
Sardar:- Aur tu sochti h main roz Ash karta hu...


1 bar 300 sardar ship me travel kar rahe the lekin sare maar gaye.
Kese..?
Ship bichme khrab hua to dhaka dene niche uter gaye...


Eak Sardar jungle se ja rha tha to 1 chudail ne use rok ke kha:-
Hu Hu
Ha Ha Ha... Rukja main chudail hu.
Sardar:- Mainu pata h. Teri 1 behan mere naal hi vyaahi hai.



Eak Sardar hotel me murga khane gaya lekin murge ka english word bhul gaya.
Waiter:- What do u like to have sir.?
Sardar:- 1 Plate Egg's father...



Sardar plane land hote hi chillane laga:- Banglore aya Banglore, Balle balle.
Air hostess:- Hello sir be silent. Plz
Sardar:- Ok, anglore aya anglore,alle alle.


Sardar:- Tum kitne saal se jalebi bana rahe ho..?
Halwai:- 30 saal se.
Sardar:- Badi sharm ki baat h tum se aaj tak jalebi sidhi nahi bani.


Sardar wrong side car chala rha tha to bola:-
O shit, Aaj phir late ho gaya sare log wapas jaa rahe hai...


Sardar 1st time plane me baitha. Jaise hi plane ka agla tyre upar utha sardar pilot ko maarne laga aur bola:-
Saale main pehle hi dara hua hu or tu stunt maar rha hai.


Biwi:- Jab se hum dono ka divorce hua h tab se tum roz mere ghar ke samne potty kyon kar jate ho.
Sardar:- Tumko ye btane ke tere bina main bhookha nahi maar raha hu.


Sardar ne 1 aadmi ko jordar tamacha maar diya.
Aadmi:- Maine kya galti ki hai?
Sardar:- Tum saale galti karo, uske liye hum intezaar thodi karenge.




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